im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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