Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
