the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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