i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
