Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
