she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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