I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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