i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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