I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There's always time for handjobs
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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