omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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