legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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