so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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