Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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