I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Houston, we have a squirter
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
