She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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