take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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