how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
