new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
