My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
