ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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