I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize