Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
