Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
