i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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