Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
