I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
