OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
