you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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