Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
