Do you still have your period?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
