My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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