He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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