sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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