How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
