im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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