girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
