he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize