Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
