what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
