she woke up with a sticky ear
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
