i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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