Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
