I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
