Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it glows. i had to have it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
