All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
