Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
