D3 body, D1 cock
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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