She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
