Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
