apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
