can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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