I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize