She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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