no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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