so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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