so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
