can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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