I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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