Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
