Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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