just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
