4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
