I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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