YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
