The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just google imaged poop.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
