I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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