This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
