and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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